Mental Health Check-ins

Do not identify with feelings.. “I am not sad,” I am experiencing sadness. The feeling does not define you nor should it take over. It’s a temporary visitor that comes and goes.

I was in it, I am in it. Every now and then IT takes me with it (*eye roll *sigh.)

You can call them “life’s pivots” feelings and thoughts that we allow our mind to attach to. Boy! Do they take you on a ride if you allow them too. So, every now and then I call shotgun, not intentionally. It just happens. Almost like waking up from a night of partying and not knowing where you are the next morning. I have definitely had my fair share of those moments, almost enough to be embarrassed about.

Not anymore. I am a mom of twins. Toddler twins. And staying home with them all day is a blessing and a curse. I do love my girls. I mean, who doesn’t love their kids. We all have moments of dislikes but, all in all let’s just say, if I had to choose between breathing and loving my children, I would use my last breath to tell them ‘I love you.’”

I am also an older mom. “Geriatric patient” is what they wrote on all my medical records when I was pregnant at 37. First of all, it is not my fault it took this long.

Endometriosis- which took years to figure out. I always wonder if me living with it all these years molded my unhappiest about life, (the pain can be unbearable at times. Well, most of the time. It’s a terrible stabbing pain that takes your breath away.)

I am generally not always a happy person, content, but never happy. And I am ok with it. Well, just recently. Before I would have to act excited to see people.

Thanks to quarantine, I can just be normal and everyone seems to understand your struggle without having to explain.

So…back to me getting caught in it. I find myself, more often going on that trip. I surrender. It does take time, but the moment I can finally be AWARE of it. Is the moment I am doing everything and anything to NOT go on it again.

And to not be in it, is to not allow my thinking mind to take the wheel. So, by constant reminders, (when you remember of course) is to breathe. Because sometimes, you’re just so stuck in it, that you forget.

About Me

Hi, I’m Amanda. I am a mom of twin girls and a blogger. I spend most of my time with my girls, cat Olive and my partner. I enjoy creating, crafting, any home makeover project, and working in my backyard (this is starting to sound like a dating profile) I have lived in Japan for 11 years, military brat. Marine father, in which I am truly inspired by.

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